You guys, this has come to my mind yet again, it has troubled me and haunted me for about 15 years now..it pops up at the most inopportune time and the matter has never left my heart..I still tear up when I think of it.

many years ago I worked at a gas station/store/gaming station way up north..it was halloween, the kids were coming in (not many houses to trick or treat at up there so the stores would kick in for the children) anyway, there were children laughing, giggling, trick or treating and just enjoying life..there were many coming and going and we were playing with them all and teasing them with their costumes etc..it was great fun.
then a girl walked in with what i thought was a mask and it all happened so fast, she walked in and being in the playing mood with the other children as I was I glanced up quickly and seen her 'mask' and asked what she was this halloween, now mind you I was playing with the other children and only glanced up quickly before being tugged back by a lil boy..well when i came back up I noticed, then, it was NOT A MASK..the child had a problem which had deformed her face and it didn't even look real..upon realizing this I made apologies, but how do you apologize for something so heartless? Her mother was with her and you could see the hurt on her face, it was just so painful to see her, to know that i did that..it still is to this day.. I have NEVER FELT LIKE SUCH AN AWFUL PERSON in my life..I wanted so much to hug them both, to cry on her shoulder my apologies, instead i fled to the back of the store and cried like a baby.I could not believe I had just done that..it was all so fast, and to this day I tear up when I think of that, it breaks my heart, I never meant for that to happen, it bothers me very much still today..

I just wanted to share that as it came to my mind again uncalled for and unrelenting..an awful feeling..That child and her mother have never left my prayers and i still am asking forgiveness for that moment..

Maybe it's time to forgive yourself. I think you have probably punished yourself enough over the years. I believe you're a good person and as there was no intention to cause offence or upset, then you have nothing to feel guilty about! I imagine the girl in question has long forgotten this incident!

thank you very much Steve, the same words my husband speaks when i go here..

hug to you for your kindness

Ok.. here is the fact.. the bad person in this instance was the girls mother. WHAT WAS SHE THINKING! It is a shame this happened, but it was an honest mistake on your part and just cruel and mean on the mothers part from expecting strangers on Halloween to be able to know her child's deformities were real. You must be a really good person to be kicking yourself all these years for an honest mistake that should never have happened or at least been very much expected by that stupid mother!

If a person wearing this walked in on a spring day, would you know it was a mask???
http://www.mask-shop.com/images/Narbengesicht.jpg

And yes, I think everyone has been in a situation at least once in there life that they wish they could have avoided and wish never had happened.

Kay, I totally agree with Steve and your husband! You should not feel guilty about it, because there was no way you could possibly have known it was not a mask, on that circumstances! Everyone would have done the same...Of course I understand the girl´s mother. It is very difficult to cope with one´s child incapacities, but I am also sure that it was just a moment... I believe they forgot all about it soon after the episode. And the most important thing is that you did not hurt the person´s feelings on purpose. The girl´s mother certainly know that also... So, don´t punish yourself, just let yourself free from that thoughts...

Hugs,
Sonia.

thanks you guys, it feels good to talk about that to someone other than hubby..

I can understand your grief for goodness sake your a sweet honest loving soul Kay and I hate to say it as well but the mother she should have known ...its almost cruel on her part to expose her child to the public like that during the trick or treat hours ...now I am not saying the girl has no right to come out ...but really it was a matter of the timing and sometimes as a parent we have to make choices that are not fair but protect our childeren .
My heart breaks for the little girl .. and I cant say if she has long forgotten but I am sure she has heard that more then once in her life and that is a shame ..kids that have grown up with a deformity or something different ..they seem to have such courage.

my youngest daughter has always been different ....she was a very big child standing about three foot at two years old and over weight ...she was seen by the best doctors and all of them poked and did all the test needed to make sure she did not have a tumor or such growing in her brain to cause this over growth .....she never had friends and people called her mean names like retard and so on ( a name I just hate ) she was never invited to kids homes for birthday parties her clothes always had to be much older for her because of the size ...she was bullied at school so bad she had stomace problem ...my mom wrote Dr. Phil and he even called my cell phone asking her to appear on his show ..I was sooo happy because it was about kids that get picked on ..we signed the paper and was setting up the time for the show when his producer called and ask that we give names of the kids ...that was a hard choice I ask that I call the parents first ...kids can be mean but I felt that was not my place to give out names .. so I ask the parents and I was hung up on and called names ...and was told to stop feeding my giant ....I cried just as I am doing now .. something I have shared only with my closest friends but was impelled to share now . needless to say the producer said it would not be a show without the bullies there to be confronted ...wow just that staement alone " it would not be a show without the bullies " just made me ill .

Today she is six foot 2.5 carries more weight then she should and is only 15 ....try and buy cute clothes for a child of that size .. when I finally find a web site like romans that carry longer sleeved clothes that are like something she would wear .. the prices are so darn high. ugh !

Sorry I went off on that ..part of me says delete this and dont hit send .. but the other part tells me I am amoung friends .

Thanks Kay for this thread.

It was good to talk about some things and you are among friends here. that is awful to feel that way, but there is the love that takes that all away..and it is appalling to hear that regarding Dr. Phil but not surprising as ppl watch those shows for the 'shock factor' and they want to see ppl hurt each other. Jerry Springer is awful for that..

Now she has you for strength and she will absorb all your energy and strength and be one as strong and beautiful as her mother.

Hug to you Kim.

Thanks alot Kay ...you are right about the whole Dr Phil thing ..needing conflick to make the show .. I felt bad afterwards thinking maybe it would have not worked out for the best interest of Kellie my daughter .

Kim, I truly understand how you must feel... But be sure that your daughter is very lucky to have such a beautiful, strong and caring mother as you!

My 29 months old daughter was born with a congenital heart condition (she does not have a pulmonary artery and so the blood did not flow to the lungs and consequently she did not had oxygen)... I never had her in my arms in the maternity. She was taken away to the intensive care unit and then transferred to a private hospital to have a surgery. She had her first surgery when she was 15 days old. The doctors gave her an artificial artery so that the oxygenated blood could flow to her lungs. She had another one when she was 18 months old, and was given the second artificial artery, because the first one was not sufficient already. She could not walk or play even a little without becoming all blue and tired. Now, after the second surgery she´s stable and looks like a normal child, although she still can´t exaggerate on her exercises. Cannot walk or run for long time. We must constantly give her plenty of liquids and she must take her medicine every day. I must be always alert because I now that sooner or later I will need to rush again to the hospital. She will just be able to have a human artery transplant when she´s a little bit older, preferably on her 6th birthday... But if she cannot cope until then she will have to face another surgery to put the third artificial artery so she can live her life until the permanent operation. She is so beautiful, funny, smart, sweet and full of life... Sometimes I look at her and I asked myself: Why her? Why me? And is specially difficult when I go with her to the playground and see all the other children running freely... My daughter is very strong and is super active, despite her condition. She always run and plays even when she´s tired. I have always to stop her when I see she´s getting bluish already...

So, Kay, I know how the mother must have felt but I am sure it have nothing to do with your comment. I am sure she doesn´t remeber it anymore. And Kim, These daughters were given to us just because we are caring and strong enough to take good care of them! Best wishes for you!

Sonia.

I sent you a email hun ....this post can not go un-noticed ..bless her heart ....literally

awww...sonia, you are just the right person for a such a child. bless both of your hearts.

Thank you very much, dear friends!...

I understand you... I also recently had a similar case.
I went with my parents to visit their friends and met the daughter of friends... Before that I did not know anything about her because I was not at their home. She was very small, with a thin voice, and all the time went by bicycle, starting with her feet. She looked like three-year-old. She had a strange face. And I talked to her and played, as with a small child... And then it turned out that she is even older than me. She has a congenital disease. She understands everything, even learns to home learning, but does not speak well and can not walk. I felt so ashamed... Then I asked for forgiveness from the girl and her mother. Hopefully, they will forgive me, some day...

you are forgiven hun ...parents with childeren whom have such a problem are well understanding when people approach them as if they are a child ...dont frett yourself over that .

when my daughter was about almost two ..she was very tall and still had a binky and a women at church looked at her and said ...." is your daughter a special child ? " I was like Heck yeah she is special and she asked " no I mean special "her face kinda looked odd when she said it and I just told her in a small voice " she is a very tall child she is not even two yet ...but all her parts are working fine " or something like that ...I am sure she felt silly for thinking ...but really after I thought about it i did not feel she should have asked in the first place ...she did not even know us ..but all was good .

Kim, perhaps you are right. I very much hope so.

you sound tender hearted like me, and have carried that around..and I am sure we wouldnt hurt someone on purpose..bless your heart