The Man Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down



Finally , the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear the rules
From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.


These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered '1 '
ON PURPOSE!




1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or

motor sports


1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

lol....that is too funny steve

So if I follow these rules I won't need a new husband every three years?

I am not sure an art forum is the place to post this one

ok as you wish .. I removed my post..

I was talking about the part of Steve's post that I quoted -- where he said that men can only distinguish 16 colors -- seems like not the kind of thing he should want to say on an art forum! There was positively nothing wrong with anything you posted, hon.

Whew !!!

I was going to ask how your swollen glands were, but you can only answer yes or no!

Mumwood, He sure walked right into that one didn't he. You would think he would know better than mess with the women here, he is no match..

Yes.

After three wives, I know when to visit the pub.

Lets hope the Third time is the charm..

If I suddenly stop flirting, you'll know my marriage is in trouble! I've been with my present wife (Penny) for 20 years now, and she's just the most wonderful person. I think she's probably my best mate as well as my wife! I hope I get better soon! We're going away this weekend! Romance is alive and kicking this side of the pond ladies!
And we'll be getting away from the **** kids!

Well, I'll put here some

A WOMANS RULES FOR MEN

1. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."
2. Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.
3. None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better.
4. Her cooking is excellent.
5. That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking.
6. Dishsoap is your friend.
7. Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean.
8. Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation.
9. Two words: clean socks.
10. Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when you're drunk.
11. Burping is not sexy.
12. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is.
13. "Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad.
14. No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice.
15. Don't tell her you love her if you don't.
16. Tell her you love her if you do. Often.
17. Don't try to change the way she dresses.
18. Her haircut is never bad.
19. You're wrong.
20. You're sorry.
21. The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit in the waiting room on your *** smoking cigars isn't fair either, and it balances everything.

lol...that is sooo funny sipsik!

Steve I hope you and penny have a wonderful weekend,..and give the kids a hug before you go..

See, Steve - I'm a faster learner (never married).

(Time for a pub lunch )

What is this, 1957?

not to mention steve, if you ever did stop playing around with people you just wouldnt be steve..my hubby is the same, all my girlfriends love him, they think he may be the last man on the planet to open car doors for them, always teasing them with his flirting, they love him, and so do I ..I wouldn't change him for nothing..he is a quick wit too..i bet you guys would be a riot together..

I must be a bigger drinker. After a few, I can never say no!

yeah they didn't have those fancy smancy birthing rooms when I went thru the process.. Hubby wasn't even in the building with my second one.. My doctor was my punching bag !! poor guy ..

I'm not a married woman since i'm still 18 years old but, i'll make sure i'll pay full atention to the men's rule above...since men needs to be respected too right?

Absolutely right.

wow, i think steve is an interesting and humorous person. this forum seems somewhat alive

Keep smiling. That's my motto.

I love to smile and laugh ...it just fuels my soul

All you lovely girls fuel my soul. But don't tell my wife!

wow...

XD well I dont know if i could follow these rules. but luckely my boyfriend has learned that following my rules is best for us both
he dislikes tv and sports and he has more shoes that i have ( i think, havent counted them yet). im lucky to have him =D we have no arguments ( well almost none anyways. been a lil bumpy latly but i still know how to cheer him up ;P ) and i would never make him sleep on the sofa but i might make him sleep on the floor but thats ok because he actually likes sleeping on floors.
and he writes me songs =D (almost)the perfect guy ^^. XD i dont mind his errors i guess, if he was 100% perfect id be bored to death.

( sorry about my bad spelling btw >.< I dont use english all that often)

Steve,

I like number 1, disagree with number 1 and learned something from number 1.

I know...Im being sarcastic....dont ever take anything I say personal...please dont..

OK

Straight-forward and cool. I like it.

have read a few of these i love them

but never know how to reply

hmmmmm yes , no your right and you all look great in it