Here's my poll question: How many of you think its okay to Re-Gift a Christmas present?


Every year I hear different answers from people. I believe that it was Dear Abby (or Ann Landers or somebody in the paper) that said it was okay to do it.

Here's my rant on Christmas:
I never get anything I want or like. Don't get me wrong, its not that I'm ungrateful. Its just that I am so hard to buy for. I just go and buy what I want. My husband and I don't exchange presents, we each just get whatever we want or go and buy something together.Every year I end up selling everything on Ebay and then buy something I really want. Or I will re-gift anything I can. hahahahaha

I finished off my shopping today because I only have 2 more days before our holidays begin. We have my stepdaughter and her kids coming over on Friday. We are going to my other stepdaughters house on Saturday. We are going to my brother-in-law's house on Sunday and my son's house on Monday. It's a real pain in the butt - my husband's daughters don't get along with any family members or each other so it makes it very weird around the holidays.

And he wonders why I dislike Christmas. I keep threatening to go on vacation every year on Christmas. One day we just might do it. LOL

Sorry for the rant.........................just had to get it off my back. LOL

To re-gift or not to re-gift, that is the question.

I have seen where re-gifting has hurt peoples feelings. Your selling them on Ebay is a good idea. If you gave something to someone that you thought was a great gift, but you found out they gave it to someone else, which might hurt you. It is better at this time not to hurt someone you care for.

“And he wonders why I dislike Christmas. I keep threatening to go on vacation every year on Christmas. One day we just might do it.”

You only have so many Christmas in your life. Enjoy them. One doesn’t know when their spouse or family member might die. If you dislike Christmas now, you really wont like it then. Enjoy every Christmas, it may be someone’s last!!!

Yes, JWDuke, you are right in that respect that this could be your last or someone you care about's last Christmas.

But, we lost my mother-in-law last year right before Christmas and almost lost my mom right before Christmas too. My brother and I spent Christmas eve and Christmas night sitting with my comotose mom in the hospital. It really didn't change my mind about it. I haven't liked Christmas for a very long time (even when my own children were small). It just isn't celebrated correctly in my opinion (and a lot of others opinions). I can't seem to get it through to our families that this stupid spending has to stop and that I would just like to get together as a family and have a nice meal together and enjoy each others company instead of beating my head against the wall every year trying to figure out what to buy and then we all end up exchanging gift cards. How dumb is that? They won't listen to me so the stupidity continues.

Now I'm ranting again, LOL. Sorry...................

I understand both viewpoints well.

Christmas has gotten crazy over time and is prime fodder for family arguments and overspending. I agree that a good meal and some conversation works much better for me than a competition of who can spend the most.

Yes, it can be a person's last Christmas, but so can today or yesterday or July 18th. We can't pretend to like a seasonal ritual because of sentimentality associated with it. But I do understand that certain celebrations provide times for nostalgia and aren't always happy for those who have to participate alone and I am sensitive to that.

Personally, I occasionally regift. People don't often stick to my wish list which is usually comprised of simple, inexpensive things. They feel they need to spend money to show affection. Usually on things that I don't want. I choose carefully what I regift and who it goes to, making sure the two never meet geographically.

I like the Ebay idea, but find ebay a pain to list and monitor and package etc etc.

Does this mean that we can expect to see your Secret Santa Gift on e-bay in the new year? lol

Buying for someone every year can be a real pain in the butt, however thats why we have wish lists. Get given what you want this year, make a list!

Merry Xmas

RJS

Here's my suggestion...rather than regift ask your family members to use the money they spend on you in a way that would make you happy...donate it to a needy charity or find someone who has a family in need and make their Christmas bright. If you have young members of the family with a college fund ask that they put your gift into the niece, nephew or grandchilds account. If you can do it...it's a great way to remind people it's not about the gift...it's about the giving!

Laura

I may be voted the most rigid one here, but I don't think regifting is an honourable thing. If one spends time and thought on finding the right gift for another, then the pretense of passing it along doesn't seem to me to be part of the reason for giving. After an interval, I have donated unused gifts to those I believe might enjoy them though.

I know it's my fault, but the immediate family seems to really enjoy the annual chaotic shopping period before Christmas, especially now with more babies in the mix. For the past few years, we have all made gift lists with $0 to $large items on it. Mine always begins with "anything handmade", and the children gleefully stick their hands into the paint pots. Even the adults sometimes surprise me with handmade cards and potholders. But the other items are all wanted or needed, so there is usually no reason to regift. And it makes for a very jolly Christmas day.

Cheers.....Maire

No RJS, you won't find it on ebay after Christmas. This Secret Santa Gift will be very special to me because no one has every drawn a picture for me with the exception of the kids. I will treasure it because it is handmade and is made just for me and it will be something I asked for and it's cost is relatively small with the exception of the time that is put into it (which is the most important). I will print it out and frame it and hang it in my studio in a place of honor. hehehehehe LOL


Laura - I like your idea, but the family won't go for it. I tried that one and I also buy my little grandkids very little in the way of gifts. They already have too many toys. I usually give their parents money to put in their savings.

Maire - I also like your idea but they wouldn't go for that either.


I even tried telling them - "NO GIFTS AT ALL" but that doesn't work. Maybe I just have a weird family. Or is it me that's just weird?

I would like to sit them all down and tell them I am refusing to buy anymore gifts for Christmas. If they want to, then fine, but as for me, I'm not going to do it. But I always give in.

I enjoy christmas and New Year's. Like many of you though, I don't like the emphasis on commercialism, don't like family bickering over trivialities, and don't like the idea of my gifts or others' being regifted--particularly if I care about the person I gave it to. For me, the holidays are about relationships, good conversation, and holiday food.

I do ask for wish lists and also give people my wish list with a range of items on it (from a 2b pencil to a Canon Rebel). So if someone has to regift an item I bought it is because they didn't know what they wanted in the first place or planned to regift/resell from the beginning, in which case it's not my problem. I never regift/sell/return something that was on my list and I rarely regift/resell/exchange something that wasn't on my list--because the list gives people an idea of my tastes.

That said, I have regifted a few times in the past, but not to anyone who had a chance of bumping into each other. All 2-3 gifts were from people I didn't know very well and one was from a xmas party where everyone gets a gift that wasn't bought specifically for them.

Many people don't like the holidays because they feel obligated, they spend too much, and after the "exchange" is over, there isn't much happiness. I think you folks are right. Let's concentrate on each other and the "gifts" will follow from our joy, not from the expectations of others.

Hope that isn't too mushy or idealistic. The more practical answer to the question is to avoid the need for regifting and use lists. Then you don't have the dilemma in the first place. And if someone constantly refuses to follow the spirit of your list, there's always ebay.

[ACK! I wrote a book.]

Well, the problem is I use a list, but people don't follow the list as they don't believe that the items I put on my list are really what I want.

However, I don't often regift, as I tend to try to find a place for most things...except that godawful orange sweater someone gave me the other year...

Laura, its lovely to ask people to donate to charities or other organizations or funds on your behalf, but mostly people don't. Or if they do, they STILL get you something because they feel they need to and it becomes the never ending circle.

Maybe next year I will be brave and stop the madness. To be honest, I do prefer handmade things and the Secret Santa is one of my favourite items to get. I know the person put thought and effort into it and that is what is most pleasing, rather than obligation.

Laura, that's what we do with our children - ask them to donate to a charity of their choice. One year my daughter bought a grocery gift certificate for a fellow college student who was having a hard time even staying in school. She had a teacher give the student the certiicate so she wouldn't know who it came from. Those are the real gifts - the ones that can't be traced back to you & you don't do it for the "glory."

However, it's hard. My stepson & his wife are sooooo picky that we can't buy anything to please them. We end up giving them money. Their children are too small to appreciate Christmas so we put money into their bank accounts and give them a small gift to unwrap.

My daughter would prefer to have a gift but, she's picky too. We do give money to the family but insist that it gets spent on what they want & doesn't go for bills or groceries.

As for my husband & I, we're like Painter and buy what we want when we want it. We normally don't get one another gifts but this year, I was extravagant with my husband since I've been working. He's always so selfless that I wanted him to have something he's been wanting but wouldn't buy for himself. I truly have a gem in him & often wish I could make him understand just how much I appreciate what he does.

The only thing I ever want are either art or computer supplies, but no one seems to want to venture into an art or computer store! So, again, we just ask that the kids give to a charity and not let the left hand know what the right hand is doing!

As for re-gifting. Well, I would donate rather than re-gift, I think. I dont' think there's anything wrong with re-gifting - why should you hang on to something you don't want when there are so many who would love to have what you got? I just make sure there's a decent interval from the receipt time and the re-gifting time & really prefer to donate to our local PTA thrift shop or Salvation Army, etc. instead of actually giving something as a gift to another person. However, life is too short to deprive others of something they'd like to have and that's why I'd re-gift/donate if I received something I didn't like or wouldn't use. Why stick something in the closet when someone else would love to have it?

But, I would love to see the commercialism of Christmas done away with so the true meaning could shine through. In that sense, I'm very Bah-Humbug!

J

Oh, once I quit doing the things that I felt I had to do but didn't enjoy doing, and simply concentrated on the things that I do enjoy doing for others, Chiristmas has become a whole lot merrier and certainly a more sane time for the whole family!

Well I always ask the person for a list .....and if they are slow at getting it for me I tell them ...my husband will be picking out gifts this year .. that speeds them up lol ....I do not care for the Ebay thing cause just about three weeks ago my mom ordered my chrisdtmas present on Ebay it was prisma colored pencil set of 120 .. it was a great deal .. but we think it was a scam the pencils went to some person in washington and not to her .. so she is out the money and the gift....I dont care much for ebay .....If I get a gift I do not care for .. I set it aside for a week or so .. and then let someone eles take it ..rather than give it as a gift .. nothing really wrong with that ...I just tend to give so much stuff away .
I like the idea of helping a family in need ...but as jeanette said they would still get you a gift .. so best to tell them what you want .

Kim I am soooooo sorry I even told you about that auction now!!! I know its not my fault its the sellers. I received mine that I ordered from them..so I don't think its totally a scam. I think there was just alot of miscommunication on the sellers behalf!!! She is rude and totally not professional and I would love to see her not selling on ebay anymore. We have bought and sold alot off of ebay and never had any problems. So not all sellers are bad, just a few. Sorry your exsperience didn't go well for your mom...I feel terrible.

ohhh dont feel bad venus ....maybe it will fix its self ...who knows the women i wrote the letter to .. maybe she will have them and send them to me . my fingers are crossed .

I know this is an older topic, but since christmas comes every year again, I thought it would be OK to add in my two cents worth.

First of all, I think re-gifting is ok as long as you make sure the person doesn't find out about it. You may not like the gift, but they may think they spent a lot of thought and effort on trying to find you something nice, so it can really hurt their feelings if they find out. I agree with others that using Ebay is probably a very good idea. One thing I noticed here in Canada though is that my wife and her mother don't seem to mind too much when you return a gift of theirs. Which comes in handy cause somehow my mother-in-law always wants to buy me random clothes and I absolutely hate it when people give me cloths it depresses me and makes me want to cry (long story) so I'm glad I can just go in a different room, try them on real quick (or pretend to try them on if I really hate the bloody things in the first place) and then go back and say sorry doesn't look good or just doesn't fit at all, and she'll return it to the store.

As for the whole gift-giving in the first place... I understand you don't enjoy it, but it sounds like the rest of your family does enjoy it. As hard as it is on you, have you ever concidered that letting them have their silly christmas present fiasco could be concidered a gift to them? I mean, it kinda looks like the choice here is that either you get grumpy for the holidays, or you get your entire family to stop doing it and chances are you will be a little more cheerfull, but your entire family might get grumpy over the holidays instead. And whatever cheer you have will surely fade if that were to happen.

My suggestion would be this: meet them halfway.

Give them their half:
Let them do the whole present fiasco, if the bad gifts bother you that much, make a shopping list for them. You can always list a couple fairly cheap-but-usefull things like some new drawing paper, some paint, a brush or a drawing tool you have always wanted to experiment with. Or even supplies to make a little crafts corner for your grandchildren, and then your grandkids can come over and draw/play whenever they want...

Have your half:
You could try one year to organize a big family dinner. It looks like you have small dinners all over the place, spread out over 4 nights, you could always invite them all over for one big dinner with the entire family. The only problem here is that you need a large place to do this at, where you can put several tables together to form one long table for everyone to sit at and then you need to make a pretty big dinner.
I know it can be done though, I come from a really big family, my father has 2 brothers and 2 sisters, most of them married or with a steady partner, and most of them have kids that have a steady partner or are married and having kids of their own... And we made it work, whenever it was at my parents place we would move the couches into the garage, put out a couple fold-out tables, maybe bring in a plastic garden table from the shed or even borrow a table and some chairs from my grandmother. A couple years ago they also invested in a set of fold-up chairs that are pretty comfy and take up very little storage space. The only thing you'll need to borrow for a couple of days is some large cooking pots. Other than that we always buy a couple rolls of paper table cloth that we roll out over all the tables to make it look like one long dinner table, and some matching napkins. Some people say it is a waste of paper, but these things are made from recycled paper and the next day this cloth and all used napkins get tossed in with paper and cardboard recyclables.
As for food, there are a lot of things you can make the day before to make the whole thing less hectic. Maybe make a big pot of a veggie soup the day before and set it out in a cold garage for the night, then find something fairly simple to make that people will like: some meat that you can make in large quantities like a couple turkeys or some big roasts that you can plop into the oven for a couple hours and not need to worry about... some ready-pealed potatoes for mashed potatoes (or even instant mix if need be). Maybe add several salads like tomatoe salad, noodle salad, normal salad, some gravy, ... And finally get some icecream and a couple cakes for dessert and maybe some special blend of coffee for after dinner. (My parents make stove-top italian espresso after dinner and serve it with a bit of liquor. Just make sure to have something sweet handy for the littlest kids in case they don't like some of the foods.
Then the last thing you need is some chips, nuts, crackers or cheese... Then when people come over for the party, start out with this stuff and let them have their gift-giving fun. Calculate in a half hour to an hour that you serve some apperitives and cheese cubes while they exchange giftcards, you can keep your mind off of it by checking on your food, setting up the last of the dinner plates or showing your grandkids a neat way to fold their napkins. Once all of that is out of the way, put on some gentle background music and ask everyone to have a seat and start enjoy your GIANT family dinner!
Man I miss those dinners so much...

You could explain to your family that this is something you have always wanted and ask that their gifts be related to this... Ask them to bring some wine, beer or a bottle of after dinner liquor, maybe a gift card from the local suppermarket to help cover the food cost.

They may not understand that you would rather have nothing than to have something stupid that you really don't want, but at the same time, I'm sure from their point of view they would feel really bad to get something for everyone they love but not for you... But since stuff like wine and food does cost money, they may feel a bit better giving you something like that. As for your gift to them... Your gift can be a great dinner and maybe a hand-drawn invitation, or a little crafted trinket for everyone to take home after the party.

Anyways... I'll stop here as this post is getting to be quite long now, I think I tossed in a little more than just two cents worth

Hope it works out for you next year!
Lycaryth

My wife and I have been at wit's end for a few years now. We've got relatives saying "just give me gift cards to store X, I'm going to pool them and buy Y". I can't stand that. I feel like whipping out a spreadsheet, entering all the data, and just telling everyone "I was going to get you a gift card in the amount P, and you were going to get me one for amount Q; P is $10 greater than Q, so how about I just write you a check for $10 and we be done with it? In fact, here's $30; we'll take care of it until the end of the decade!!!"

Bah, humbug, indeed.

I'm very lucky to say I never really had that problem... When I was a kid, my parents would usually ask me what my brother may want and ask my brother what I may want, and then my brother and I would have a "secret" meeting, exchange gift ideas and then later casually pass those requests on to my parents who would pass it on to my grandparents and so on! I guess in the end we made a wishlist, but it was a word-of-mouth type wishlist. That way the person giving the gift still thought it was a totally novel idea that wasn't specifically requested.

Now that I live in Canada, I do the same thing with my wife, I will let her mom know about things I know my wife may want, and she will advise her mom on what I may want... The last few years I have been lucky as I was getting into drawing again after many years so I needed tons of supplies... I got some sketchbooks, a lightbox, a drawing book and some other random supplies. And I usually get some belgian chocolates! Yumm!



There is only one gift I absolutely HATE. Clothes . My grandmother used to do that and my mother-in-law does it... I can't stand it. Every time again they end up choosing things THEY think I should be wearing, never looking at what my style is to begin with. This year I guess it was my own fault in a way as I had said I wanted some sleeping clothes, but I was meaning maybe a t-shirt and shorts kind of thing. Only to receive a fluorescent green fleece pant-suit type thingy with a zipper. My thoughts? The color is hideous, fine, it's the color I painted my office in, but that makes my office a faint green with a wooden desk, it's an awesome combination and I love it. That doesn't mean I want to wear that color on my body! And on top of that, I can't stand long sleeves and pants as they get twisted in my sleep and get really uncomfortable, not to mention the fabric would make me burn up all night while having an ice-cold zipper run across my chest... who the **** designed this thing? And then some business style clothes that my mother-in-law seems to like... I took one look at it and honestly wanted to just toss it in the fireplace... The only advantage there is that I think she learned her lesson now since the two years that I have been here I ended up giving the clothes back to her and even though she sais we'll just go shopping for different clothes together sometime after she returns them, I never take her up on that offer. Plus after seeing how depressed I got, my wife told her mom pretty clearly not to do it again!

Honestly, when it comes down to that, I'ld rather do the stupid giftcard exchange than to receive more clothes... But instead of that, I usually request some scratch tickets if someone can't think of a good gift.

All together the only gift I ever gave away is one I gave away pretty much 5 minutes after the party was over... My uncle got me a CD... the same CD he got me the year before So on the drive home I just passed it on to my brother's girlfriend! Problem solved.

Our lives are simple. My husband and I don't gift to friends or relatives.
If we visit someone during the holidays we bring food, wine or a music CD.
When my mother was still alive, I'd take her on a trip somewhere for the holidays.
That's what I prefer to do on a birthday or holiday -- go on a trip and get away from it all.

I never re-gift. If it's something I could never use, I still love to get it just for the thought. I may give it away, but never as a gift.

For Christmas two years ago, I created pencil portraits for my family members. This past year, I embroidered and sewed all my family gifts. Lycaryth, the only clothes I made were for my very energetic 2-yr-old great granddaughter who loves to "dress-up". Of course, my family may re-gift my offerings to them , but I forgive them and hope the re-gifts are well-used and enjoyed.

Maire

Goodness, who dug this one up from the archives... it wasn't I, but it's still a good subject...

I suppose I'm a humbug too. It's a huge rat-race to get friends & family gifts or gift cards at or exceeding the amount they're bound to spend on you. There's always hard feelings on someone's end (covered by a polite smile of course) come gift-opening time.This whole process kind of ruins the holiday spirit in my opinion. If everyone would agree to ONLY buy gifts for the children, and simply enjoy one another's company for the holidays, then the true spirit would shine through (hey, sounds like the Grinch Who Stole Christmas Story).

Don't let the big merchandise companies brain-wash you! There's no need to spend extra money at Christmas-time! Only the supplies needed to make your house look pretty and maybe throw a dinner party. That's my take on it anyway. Bah-humbug. Wow, it DOES feel good to rant! hehe